Dear Blog

What a smart new format. Well you have to keep up with the times otherwise you too will get old and Fade!

I did an entry yesterday but clashed with the revamp so I am not quite sure where that one has gone, but it was a bit desolate, so perhaps I won't bother finding it.

I am going to do a quick entry today cos my boy is coming home from University in a couple of days and I won't get near the computer.

Its funny though- I have all sorts of ideas about what to write on here and then when the screen faces me my mind goes completely blank. Its nice to be able to write down ( when I can remember!) these thoughts- cos they do weigh heavily and its good to off load them. Mind you these thoughts are not the really meaningful ones because those are too depressing for words. I have too many of those because too much has gone wrong in the last 15 or so years and I have to blank the thoughts about them out otherwise I would be a wobbly jelly in a darkened corner. So, I just keep on trucking and now can put down these thoughts to relieve some of the clutter in my brain.

My latest thoughts on Fading come from a reunion on Saturday with old college mates- not the usual crowd but another lot I did my degree with but we all specialised in different subjects so we didnt see so much of each other. Its amazing that everyone is the same personality wise- we're all just physically ageing in varying different stages and Fading accordingly.

The thing is we are all still the same on the inside. Just like we were all those years ago. Same idiots, same attitudes etc. Its very difficult to match the two up- wrinkles and sagging on the outside, immaturity on the inside. Fading on the outside but growing (hopefully!)on the inside? Do the two processes converge? If so, where? What happens then? Do I explode? Implode? Or just have a good time while I can, cos at my rate there won't be many, if any, biological years left.

I just dont feel my biological age at all. I mean I think I must have matured emotionally to all of 16 years old. I say that cos I'm sure a while ago I was only about 12, but to save what was left of my sanity I went to counselling in the end cos of all the mega problems, and I think I have matured a bit after that. I am sure my son is more emotionally mature than me (although he hasn't been tested in the Big Wide World yet- life being so much softer for todays kids -that was the topic of yesterdays blog that I can't find). He just seems so much more together and laid back, thoughtful, reasoned and logical, whereas I am still not learning fast enough from past mistakes, not being mature etc etc. How can I be an adequate parent when I feel my son is more mature than me? Is this something other parents feel?

Now there is a comments facility I would love to find out what other people think - especially if there is anyone out there of a Certain Age reading these blogs of mine.

Well I can't think of anything more to say now so I might see you again soon if I have the time, otherwise it will be after my boy goes back to Uni for his summer exams.