Hi Blog

Christmas is creeping upon me........urkkkkkkkkkkkkk

Yesterday went to buy Christmas cards as a first step of acknowledgement of the soon to be upon us occasion...Im a good girl and buy charity cards from the local church...

Order the Christmas tree from work. And No 1 Son will be home shortly for his long long University break...so that'll mean not getting on here to write etc ( see my other Blog re that one) and lots of washing.....cooking......I do not like Domestic Responsibility...I want to be FREE to rediscover myself and my life- there have to be some compensations for being Over a Certain Age. I havent found any of them yet....sigh.....Would that life would be slightly more generous to me....

Tell you what I would really really like- and that would be to meet Viggo Mortensen... now that would be real compensation!!!!!!!!

OK gotta go...see you soon

Ciao

Moi

Hi Blog

Well I cannot believe how fast time is flying past..it will be Christmas tout suit...not that I have done anything about this. As a woman of a Certain Age I should be preparing now for the Final Countdown...Christmas cards should be bought and I should have started doing some, the Christmas pudding should be handmade and resting and maturing for the Day, mince pies could be made and in the freezer, presents should be being bought, thought given to How To Decorate The House This Year and the wreath created in my head if not in reality. Guests should have been invited ages ago. The turkey/goose/whatever should be ordered by now together with all other meats and homemade pork pies, and the menus for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day sorted, the Boxing Day walk planned. Christmas trees should be located and sources of holly and ivy and mistletoe tracked.

But I have not done any of this because
we are going away!!!

Hurray Hurray hurray!!! No planning no buying no cooking no washing up no stress HOORAY!!!!! ( well not much, only got to get the dogs vaccinated for the kennels and send off a few cards) Relief relief relief . And, oh I have to fly- but its not far so I shall just have to get drunk!!! hehehehehe!!!!!

Yes in a Good Mood today Blog, but as theres only 2 minutes left of today that can soon change.

But I shall end on this high note!

Ciao for now!

Opppps hi Blog

Ive done it again havent I?

Too much has been going on...not...and I just havent had chance to get in here.

Holiday- great- sun- hot- good food - interesting place-fantastic archaeology and historical sights- all neglected and abused ( such a shame) but fantastic nevertheless.

And back to cold old England....brrrrr.

I am having a hard time with my book at the moment. I need someone from the film world to assist- is visiting a location site so hard for them to let me do? I only want to observe- I am not a reporter or secret spy for another studio or anything. I just want to get a feeling for what it is like to be an actor on location- you know- who interacts with whom and how- do they row on set? Does the film star interact with the crew- where do they stay- do they go out on the town, do they live in tents or hotels- how do they get to set? All the stuff I havent found a book to read about. Must try a bit of lateral thinking.

Hard at my age.......urk.

So anyway there you have it for the moment Blog.

Perhaps I may set up another Blog- My Book Writing Days....hahahahaah

See you soon Bloggy

Hi Blog

Well, not too bad- only 8 days.

I have been run ragged by attending to my mother and dealing with my old bag sister.

Being over a Certain Age now means I am squeezed out between the demands of children..thankfully reducing now...but the slack is now taken by my elderly mother- who has collapsed and is still- 14 days later- in hospital. She's survived whatever it was and is recovering- she is what they describe as a 'creaking gate' and she will no doubt outlive me the way things are going.

I am backwards and forwards to the hospital everyday, washing her soiled clothes, trying to speak to her- she will not wear a hearing aid despite having had 4 offered. Its hard work -and what can I say to her- hurry up and get better so that you can go back home and sleep all day in your chair? Thats all she does. She could do more if she wanted, but she doesnt.....Square that circle eh?

So, where has my book writing gone? Not far- although I am trying to get a synopsis in for a competition- its hard work never having done these sorts of things before- but I am having a go.

In the meantime I have to get ready to go on holiday ( Hurrah- except I have to fly- still can't quell the old flying fear although the hypnotherapist has managed to get rid of the injection problem....???? Strange that- wasn't even trying for that one. Fear of flying - or FOF- is made worse by an article I tried not to read about Clear Air Turbulance and how it can down planes. I pulled my eyes away from it as soon as I saw it- but too late- its amazing what my brain can take in when I dont want it too....Now I am like a wobbly jelly again...). Anyway I have no clothes now for sunshine holidays and guess whats in all the shops? - yes, winter stuff. I think we are going to be staying in a 5 * hotel- I dont suppose jeans are the right apparel there for dinner- thanks god we are only bed and breakfast- I shall be slipping in and out like a wraith.

Ah well better get on- too much to do ..I am the White Rabbit.........no time ..no time.....

If I don't get chance to Blog again before I go - I hope I see you again Blog and that we fly there and back safely and without incidence or turbulence. Wish me luck Blog.....

Ciao

Well Blog...sorry...I was going to be writing more often I said and look at me.....

I have had my elderly mother ill again and in hospital...I am exhausted with it. You see as a woman I have been squeezed out at both ends. On the one hand bringing up a child - on the other looking after ageing parents. Now I should be free to enjoy my life after bringing up No1 son to adulthood- but what am I doing? Spending all my time down at the hospital- worry about whether she will recover- where she is going to go etc.

All I want to do now is my book- which is somewhat coming along- not. I am going to enter a competition with it so I am sweating over a synopsis when not down at the hospital. Sheesh I am exhausted- so if I am lack in writing here Blog you know why. Oh and another thing- i have been trying to get out on a film shoot? For my researches for my book- and guess what- a film crew are coming right to where I live- when i am away on a short holiday. Bugger bugger bugger - eh? Life is all about timing and for some reason I am imbued with bad timing........

Groan , maon, grizzle, whinge.

Enough said.

Ciao for now Blog

Ooooo Blog,

Things are getting interesting.

I have joined an online writing course - which seems fun- lots of work but fun. Also I had no idea writers keep daily journals and free write all the time and listen to music...a whole new world!!! Hahahaha.

Secondly I might enter my novel for apublishing competition if I can pluck up the courage....

and thirdly we are booked to go to Cyprus on a holiday in a couple of weeks which means lots of ....flying........urk.

Can i do it all Blog????????

Can I fly more importantly....I did get to Paris without drugs or alcohol I have to remind myself- but that was only an hour..this is going to be 4 hours plus an hour hanging around in the plane whilst they load up more passengers and then another hour to northern Cyprus.

Oh help. No cigs for at least 8 hours.....on a plane...in the air...turbulance.....highjacks, bombs, turbulance, engine failure, wings falling off, shot down, mid air collision, turbulance.....why did I say I'd do it...oh my God.....

Courage is failing as I am ageing. Also I have a horrible lump in my thorat- which could be stress but at my age it could be cancer..of the throat, larynx, oesophagus, lungs...oh my I am a neurotic mess......Im off to the docs again on Monday- last time he said it was a viral thorat infection- well that was 2 months ago.

What to do? Panic panic. This could be cos as women get older they loose testosterone from their bodies. Testosterone keeps you courageous, bold, cutting edge. Help- I am none of these things......

I shall have to take supplements and grow body hair and have a deepened voice....

Ageing is not good necessarily.. you might get wiser, you might get less impatient, you might get more philosophical, you might become more in tune with yourself...but you get fatter, wrinkled, lose skin tone , your teeth start to thin, your hair does too, you go grey, you get ill..and you have to think about pensions just in case you survive beyond 60........

Shit.

C'mon Blog, cheer me up..say something palliative, soothing and comforting??????

No? Oh. Ok well cheers Blog..............

Hi Blog,

Well another week or so flown past.....this is what getting older does...time zips by ...lickety spit...and it will be Christmas soon. Already I am bombarded by catalogues for Christmas cards, Christmas presents etc. How many more Christmases do i have I wonder? In yoga apparently you have so many breaths in life and once you have breathed your alloted breaths thats it.....I am measuring my life span in Christmases?????? Help!!!!!

Thinking ahead like this makes time go faster....why cannot we be in the 'here and now' rather than the 'tomorrow, lets get it sorted'?

I cant cope.

And also whatever happened to the real meaning of Christmas eh? Where has that disappeared? Into someones advertising and marketing strategy.....hmph.

Anyhoos I am not getting on well with my book- this was/is to be my passport to another lifestyle and it is grounded in the calms of no-one is helping me find out about the film industry. Why are they so mean spirited? I have written, phoned and asked loads of folk for advice or to be able to spend a day on a film location shoot and I am getting no-where fast. Oh blue blue meanies........

Still, where there's a will and all that......

Perhaps some kind soul might read this and assist??????? ( I should be so lucky eh?)

Anyway must away now as the day is running out fast and I have lots to do.

See you again soon Blog.

Dear Blog

Well I said id be back sooner and Here I am!

Whilst the cats are away for their bonding weekend the mouse is playing- well not very much but some.

But driving around today what I wanted to put here relates back to the original concept ie being of a Certain Age.

I took the doggies out for a walk early this gorgeous September morning- down by the river again. Its very surreal down there when the sun is out- partly because the sun so rarely seems to shine here in the UK- and partly because of the colours. I am very succeptible to colours - especially after I went tripping once and the colours then were so surreal it was like it woke something in my brain which has never gone away.

Anyhoos- getting off topic here- the colours set me off noticing things again- and this was why is is that when you get older you look older no matter what you do?

There was this couple walking along- she had blonde hair, slim , dressed in trendy clothes and yet I still knew she was older- I only saw her from behind at first- but still I knew. And she was. So no matter how slim and trim us women keep oursleves, and no matter our hair colour or our dressing style- you can still tellwhen we are a Certain Age, and over.

Why?

And does this mean its a waste of money having liposuction and facelifts?


Hmmmmmm.

Im thinking about it Blog- spending the money that is !!! Hahaha.

Urk.

See you again soon

Ciao

Dear Blog

Now what did I say about coming on here more often??? Its time passing so quickly I can't keep up.

Still researching for my book- but not getting far in the finding out about getting on a film location set for a day.

If anybody does read this and they are involved in film production I'd really appreciate some help here???

Just had my birthday- another year older...another nail in the coffin....went to paris for a couple of days with my other half to celebrate our wedding anniversary and my birthday- had a lovely time. Its been 21 years since I was there- pregnant with Number 1 son and on our honeymoon..Its really nice and we did lots of culture and gastronomy as well as a little retail therapy.

And I managed on the plane with no drugs or alcohol ( well just a little bit of alcohol on the way out, but NONE on the way back). It was scary especially as we hit gusty winds and turbulance on the way back- but Im here writing this- so I survived.

Is it enough though for me to book a long haul destination?? Hmmm- not quite there yet.

Anyway nothing significant to report on the Certain Ages side of things as I am trying to avoid thinking about it really just at the moment. I need to settle in to my new age.....

Well, must go now.Try and get back sooner.

Ciao Blog

Sorry Blog

Second time I have done this -we are having real problems with our new broadband connection and its going to be at least another week before we can get the telephone people out here to check a fault on the line.

I am now going to make this short in case it cuts out again- it just did it- makes me so cross. My previous blog all gone......

making progress on book- anyone out there who can help with what it is like to be on a film set on location? Must find out.

Going to Paris next week so will be checking out how my hypnotherapy for Fear of Flying is working....

Well I shall go now. Will try to get back sooner, time and broadband connections allowing...time passing too quickly for my liking- like being on a merry go round that goes faster and faster and you cant get off- the stuff of nightmares. But -hey- this nightmare is my life -whirling passed faster and faster now I am over a Certain Age......

Evening Blog,

Well we have a shiny new computer now- the fan is a little noisy- do we complain or not? I am not going to - man's job. He ordered it- not my choice of make. How terratorial and sexist( whatever happened to the War of the Sexes? Where did it go?)-well I am of the generation before New Age Man- if there is such a thing.

I have to say seeing Lord of the Rings, Troy and reading too many books about Men in Short Skirts fighting has made me think that New Age guys are a bit wussy- or does that come from being A Certain Age? A friend of mine who is over A Certain Age was telling me that the older you get the more you ( as in one) read about facts rather than fiction. This may be true- but I am only reading faction books here. True fact books are a little like hard work. I am still ploughing very slowly through Simon Schama's History of Britain and a book about Mary Queen of Scots life around Lord Darnley. Fascinating but hard work still- especially when I can read about strong young men in short skirts.......Brad Pitt was rather tasty in his skirt and leather jerkin....Well you have to realise that, once at a very Personal medical examination I was told I was biologically 10 years younger than my chronological age, and therefore I have to take it that I am not as old as I seem....

Anyway this was just to tell you I have started my book- 12 pages so far and I'm only writing on odd occasions when I get an hour spare out of my busy commitment driven life. Its really good fun. Iam going to try and get on a writing course to see if Im doing OK- shame to keep ploughing away if its just crap.

If anyone other than you Blog sees this perhaps they'd be so good as to let me know if I seem a really boring person and likely to write boring crap. On second thoughts, perhaps not....

Anyway Blog- must go , bed is calling.

Goodnight.

Hi Blog

Well I am trying to tackle life before it completely drains down the plughole for me.

I am seeing a hypnotherapist for my fear of flying/injections/heights/water (as in swimming) /confined spaces/large trucks going down narrow streets. Hopefully that will go well and I shall be flying around the world in a Lear jet ( thats heights, flying, confined spaces) to exotic places( thats injections and water- hotel swimmimg pools and the sea. I want to learn to scuba dive). Way to go!!!! Now theres just large trucks..I guess that'll have to be having lots of sex.....can I trade my current Other Half in for a new model? Mmmmm that one may run on for a while.

Also I have started writing a book.  I have had lots of ideas for books over the years but have lacked the time and space inside my head to put much on paper- the last one dissolved away quickly after a few chapters. But now- that I am older- of this Certain Age I should have more space inside my head to mull and create the story lines.   Of course this is the theory.....I still have other problems to deal with- but thats on my other blog.

Anyway thats what is keeping me busy and of course the book explores being a Certain Age- but NOT in the way of that authour who stole my title page...*outrage* There's lots of research to do so I do hope I dont get bored before I get it finished..

My next book idea is already inside my head.......

I'll keep you in touch Blog.

Well Blog,,I am gobsmacked..here I was thinking I had an original concept, and I wander into Waterstones and find some author has nicked my blog title....What a cheek!! I was so mortified I didnt explore the contents of the book either. I should have copyrighted Certain Ages. Hmph..I am most dischuffed. And what is more dischuffing is the fact that when one is only supposed to have one original thought in one's lifetime - and I thought that was one of mine. Well does that mean mine has gone and is passed or have I not had it yet?

Well I just don't know what to say. So I am going off to sulk........

Dear Blog

Sorry its been so long- the worst of the latest trauma seems to have blown over- helped by a week away in Cork, Ireland..

Now just tell me can females over a Certain Age lust after tasty younger men? Or is that totally tasteless? Oh there were some very nice Irish men where I was. Do they look at women over a Certain Age? Well, do any men look at women over a Certain Age? Do they fancy them? Would they chat them up? This is a rhetorical question mind cos no-one is going to answer...but it is of interest. May be they might fancy some but not all? Would I still be counted as a 'looker'? Or am I having to resort to liposuction and a facelift?

Its all a little unclear. And I am not 'forward' enough to find out. I never was- men used to practically shove a sign under my nose saying' how about it darling?' or shout loudly in my ear ' fancy coming out tonight?' because I have never been taught how to read body language and therefore know when any guy fancied me. I think they did- I had enough offers- but I couldnt exploit situations so there were - I know- many missed opportunities. Sadly. But no time for regrets...move on forward thinking positively........

So, I amstill working out at the gym to trim myself up- diets dont work and it seems exercise doesnt either, but I must give up. If nothing lese I shall be fit and healthy and toned and honed. Just like Brad Pitt in Troy- apparently it took 6 months for him to hone his bod into shape for that film, so theres hope for me yet.....!!

Ciao for now Blog- will be writing again much sooner.

Dear Blog,

Sorry I havent been here for a while- hope you are not feeling neglected. Life has been Very Bad recently- so much so that I have lost the slightest sense of humour I might have had. I am currently writing on my Alter Blog where I scream and let of my feelings to relieve the tension......

So there you go- when things stop being so heavy I hope to be back.

Hi Blog,

Just to let you know the girlfriend is very nice- small , blonde and slim and obviously intelligent. I don't know what she made of us- Fading as we are- but I guess we are just like any old parents. Oh, strike out the word 'old'...........

Anyway I now do feel old and Faded and jaded. Oh for a nice young body -I try my best- down at the gym again today toning and honing- but it's bloody hard work. Dieting again- will I stick to it this time? I tried Weightwatchers- first time it didnt work, second time it did a bit but no-where near enough, so I'm now trying one out of the Sunday Times. All the food looks very edible and there's everything set out so No Excuses. Except I could murder a piece of chocolate- fortunately there isn't any in the house.......Desperation will lead me to another cigarette and a cup of tea- should be water but water is so boring.........

But with all this I still won't be 18 again..well I don't think I'd want to be 18 but under the Certain Age barrier would be good. When will technology advance enough for me to go out and buy a new body- that's what I want to know- or get a new one like with cloning or this thing with teeth where you can grow new ones rather than wear dentures? (sounds good to me- I am NOT wearing dentures... ever)

I'm too chicken ( and poor) to have cosmetic surgery - it would solve a lot of my problems mind you- but then again so could sellotape. Well at least on my face; I only need a tiny bit of uplift to the face- sellotape would do the job, you know just at the sides of my ears, and then I could hide it with my hair. I just worry if it started to peel off or crackle like it can do when applied to skin........could be embarrassing- one side of your face dropping and not the other? Hhhhmmmm...... Wouldn't improve the old tummy though- unless I bound myself with it- get through a lot of rolls that way- put the share prices up...Perhaps there's a special sort- maybe they use it for films or something- should I investigate?

Excercise doesn't work I've found- well not there- if anyone has a sure fire tummy exercise that definately flattens bulges I'd love to know about it. All the ones I've tried have't really made a jot of difference. I think under the bulge it is toned but its getting to the bulge. This is where the diet should work I guess- but it hasn't yet - and it's a week and no weight loss. Why not? Answers on a postcard please to ........before I give up in despair.

Anyway must go I have to do a report tonight for work tomorrow. Ugh to both.

Night Blog.

Morning Blog,

Well just a quickie, as they say, as I am waiting for the plumber to arrive to do yet another costly repair to our house...I live in a Victorian rambling place that has things continually needing doing- roof leaks, rising damp, door frames rotting, gates rotting, you name it, and all to provide accommodation to squatters- like spiders, and flies, bees and wasps, lacewings and woodlice. The joys of an older property. Anyway- No.1 son is home today + girlfriend- just to make me feel Faded again. I was just recovering from yesterdays blues and I am now to face a young, blonde, slim girlie. He's never brought a girl home before- basically he doesnt bring many friends home- not even old school friends...we are deemed Too Embaressing.....We make weird remarks and opine in a way that is obviously totally uncool.

Errr...well I see myself, as I said a while ago, as about 16 inside my head. He obviously sees me as an old baggage. Gawd.

But I was young and slim once.. He recently found an old photo of me on holiday in a bikini and couldnt believe it was me- 'Oh, Mum- you could have been a model!!' ( thats my boy!!) This is why I hate being of a Certain Age and beginning to Fading.

Anyway I am therefore unsure what to do with this girlie. Do I treat her as a guest? As in 'Hi, how are you? Would you like a cup of tea? Do sit down.' sort of thing. Or do I ignore her apart from a passing 'Hi!' as I waft my way about doing my usual stuff.

I always like to greet guests and spend time with them- but then they are usually my guests-my friends etc. Well, I am not loosing sleep over this ( I am supposed to the the Grown Up after all) but its a novel position to be in.

I will keep you informed. Must go- the plumber has arrived with his young apprentice and they are both requiring Tea- that good old British institution!!

Ciao Blog

Evening Blog,

Its a lovely evening here- UK- just got back from walking the dogs by the river- it was just lovely- blue sky, high cirrus clouds wisping across, sun just starting to head for home, the river like a millpond, rowers rowing, splish slash with their oars, geese honking, birds tweeting, just glorious. Makes you glad to be alive- and I have a friend I have just found out is probably dying- she's just dicovered she's got cancer. She doesnt smoke- unlike moi, who is right now even knowing I shouldn't- she plays a lot of sport, she eats healthily, and she's got cancer. Not the usual sort that women of a Certain Age often get, but a weird one- I shan't go into details cos really I really want to blot this knowledge out. As I am sure she does. What a bummer.......

This is why getting older and starting to Fade is No Fun- no fun at all. I must make an effort to make more of my life- such as I feel I have left now. When these things happen your mortality starts to hit you in the face- like a slap round the face with a wet fish. Thoughts of 'what's it all about' and 'will this horrible thing happen to me?' slip through your mind. And the alternative needs some thoughts- like if you live for any length of time what about Life in Old Age? Pensions, old folks homes, senility, Jeez I am really depressing myself here, and it is such a lovely evening. The irony of life eh?

Hmmmm....well there's not a lot I can do for my friend- other than the usual moral support etc, and theres' nothing I can do for myself either- cos even though I smoke and I worry about lung cancer- she didnt do any of these things and look what's happened. The old 'when your numbers up' stuff.

What can I do to cheer myself up? I think I'll go out and pick up a Nice Young Man. My husband is always going on about 'you're only as old as the woman you feel'. Well I feel like a Nice Young Man.....he! he! He's had his fun times so I think I might just have one or two myself... He won't know- he's always away- and I havent a clue what he's up to...Perhaps I shall- before I Fade so much no-one can see me, or I get sick like my friend.

Sorry to be depressing Blog- but this is another aspect of Fading....

Dear Blog

Well I thought I would do a quick entry today for some mental distraction. I am at work and trying to avoid a nasty report that needs doing by yesterday - and eating my rabbit food lunch. Rabbit food to try and lose weight. This is a problem for women of a Certain Age(and men but that is for them to tackle). No matter what you do the weight creeps on. I eat so healthily I can't believe it- salads with no dressing; grilled meat or fish, steamed vegetables, soya not milk, water not alcohol, no chips, crisps, curries, choccies- oh dear, how saaadddd - well its not quite true as there are occasions where I can resist no longer and scoff a flapjack or some chocolate but truthfully that's only every so often and certainly not everyday. I go to a gym twice a week, I walk dogs everyday and I play tennis as often as I can. Why do I not look svelte and gorgeous? Whilst I do not expect to be the weight I was when 18, something 2 stone less than I am now would be cool. Whilst everyone says I dont look large/fat/overweight whatever ( Are they being nice or what?), I remain unconvinced especially when I can't fit in my favourite clothes.

So, rabbit food- todays lunch was (yes its all gone now) a pitta bread with tuna and accompanied by a mixed cold vegetable salad with sesame seeds and some lettuce and tomatoes- no dressings. I doubt that I shall fade away on that.

So beware y'all to keep your weight down whilst you can.. little constant adjustments are better than a major overhaul and dont have kids- that was my downfall- pregnancy - I never did recover properly.Body ruined, nerves shattered and sleep deprived- ah the joys of motherhood- but thats another topic and not related to a Certain Age.

Gosh I'm still hungry- well I shall go and get some chilled water from the Chilled Water machine and see if that works.

And please note that whilst I am musing here I am perfectly well aware that some people have no clean water to drink, no proper food or clothes, no shelter, no medicines,no sanitation, no education, not much of a life- but as I said at the beginning of these musings I cannot change the world. I do have a nibble at the edges here and there though and do my bit. I guess if we all did a bit we would all change the world..................?

Hi Blog!

Back again- No1 son went back to Uni- to summer exams....so I have some peace and quiet- husband off away also...even more peace and quiet. I don't know how men manage to take up so much space and make so much mess...newspapers manage to spread themselves everywhere, empty beer bottles appear as if by magic, yoghurt pots escape the fridge and washing appears in the laundry basket like mushrooms growing overnight. And why do you always have odd socks? Is it the washing machine that eats some? did you not put a whole pair in the laundry basket? Or is it one of the Great Mysteries of the Universe? It is a world wide problem from what I can gather. I mean it happens here in the UK; I know it happens in Australia and the USA.

Ah well- what I was actually on here about today was more Fading issues. I was reading in the Sunday Times about how advertisers and suppliers miss out on people over a Certain Age (it was 50 in this case).. And What a Big Mistake that is. People over 50 have more disposible income ( well there's something to look forward to then?!)but no-one is vying for all this money because they still target youngsters- who don't actually have as much money. There were all sorts of reasons why this happens given, none of them overly convincing.- I just pray that the vanguard of the Baby Boomers generations manage to convince people that being over a Certain Age does not consign you automatically to the Old Folks Home. The article showed Mick Jagger on the front of Saga magazine ( a mag for those over 50- it comes through the post to mark your 50th birthday and make you deadly depressed- who in their right minds would want to read a mag that is associated with Old Age- but whoops I'm being ageist here). And Helen Mirren -still looking good after all those years. I hope I look as well in a few years.

I hope Marks and Spencers realise that being a Certain Age doesnt mean you want to dress in sacks ( thinking of plummeting shares) cos they have fallen between two stools- abandoning maturer women in favour of youth. Teenagers in UK would'nt shop in M&S if you paid them- they troop into Miss Selfidges, H&M etc. But us older fogies now cant even shop in M&S cos everything is aimed at teenagers.

But this is today and its facination with all things young. I wouldnt care but todays fashions dont even look good on girls over 21, let alone 41. They look especially bad on young girls of a Large Size - and there are plenty of those. They troop around where I live with bulging midriffs, huge thighs, fat calves, weighty arms and chests in little wisps of fabric, flesh all exposed to the elements and eyes, and they look..... terrible. Of course they think they dont, but most of them do. And then even sadder are the Older Women who, for whatever reason, are trying to squeeze into similar sorts of clothes....the stuff of nightmares!!

Whatever happened to well cut clothes, figure skimming not figure clinging clothes? Clothes that make you look stunning not clothes that make you look like a Fat Cow... Hmmmm is there a dress designer out there who will come to the Rescue? Please!! Or, even better, will the fashion for youth fade and it become trendy to be a Certain Age? Well, we can spell after all, oh, and we know about grammar and punctuation- not that I am indulging in that at the moment-but we know the rules and therefore when to break them. And we knew about Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll before them- and we are fit enough and rich enough and young enough to indulge all our passions. So pass me my zimmerframe I'm going out to have a Good Time..but where will I go?

Ah well, thats my rant, sorry, muse for today. No doubt I will think of another for later on.

Dear Blog

Gawd- my mind has gone blank again- is this what is known as writer's block?.....

I think I was quickly pen a note about another facet of being a Certain Age and beginning to Fade and that is What To Do When You Have Had Enough Of Your Career, but are probably too Faded to start again.
When you are Below a Certain Age you can chop and change careers relatively easily- I did it myself once-but reverted back to my original career cos I was more comfortable with it- then. Now I think I've had Enough...so what to do? I'm in the UK and, despite the fact we are very PC here one aspect of discrimination that has not yet been addressed is Age discrimination. Once passed 35 you are no use to anyone...and so once over a Certain Age you are on the rubbish heap of life.

Once I went and had one of those career re-evaluation thingies- where you do loads of tests and they match your skills ( what skills?)with careers. Apparently I was Highly Unusual because they came up with a choice of 12 careers for me- most folk only get a choice of about 4. Notably my then career was not mentioned amongst these 12.......Hmmm......strange. I always knew I was a square peg in a round hole, or is it a round peg in a square hole? I could retrain to be a lawyer, or a librarian, a marketing analyst or a PR executive- the list went on. I was Inspired, until I realised none of these was compatible with being a young Mum with no back up support for things like child care etcetc, so I went back to what I knew I could handle.

Now its too late I think to start any of them...sad, or what? So, what else? I used to win prizes for my paintings and sketches.....and for my essays but I think those days of youthful fantasising and lots of spare time to reflect and Mull on Life and Become Inspired have rather passed me by. But I do not want to wait to being Really Over The Hill and Retired.......shiver....shiver. Won't go there.

Well perhaps life will show me some signs for a new direction, and in the meantime I can get things out of my system on here. But, it's sad that here my Certain Age-ness would be held against me. Unless I went to work on the shop floor at B&Q. They prefer the More Mature person 'cos they actually turn up for work everyday and know what they are talking about and actually do their job instead of standing around giggling or gossiping.....Hmmmmm, well perhaps I won't go there either!!!!

Well I shall have to say ciao for a few days now dear Blog- 'cos No. 1 son is home tomorrow and he will be hogging the computer no doubt, and also I need my beauty sleep..................

Dear Blog

What a smart new format. Well you have to keep up with the times otherwise you too will get old and Fade!

I did an entry yesterday but clashed with the revamp so I am not quite sure where that one has gone, but it was a bit desolate, so perhaps I won't bother finding it.

I am going to do a quick entry today cos my boy is coming home from University in a couple of days and I won't get near the computer.

Its funny though- I have all sorts of ideas about what to write on here and then when the screen faces me my mind goes completely blank. Its nice to be able to write down ( when I can remember!) these thoughts- cos they do weigh heavily and its good to off load them. Mind you these thoughts are not the really meaningful ones because those are too depressing for words. I have too many of those because too much has gone wrong in the last 15 or so years and I have to blank the thoughts about them out otherwise I would be a wobbly jelly in a darkened corner. So, I just keep on trucking and now can put down these thoughts to relieve some of the clutter in my brain.

My latest thoughts on Fading come from a reunion on Saturday with old college mates- not the usual crowd but another lot I did my degree with but we all specialised in different subjects so we didnt see so much of each other. Its amazing that everyone is the same personality wise- we're all just physically ageing in varying different stages and Fading accordingly.

The thing is we are all still the same on the inside. Just like we were all those years ago. Same idiots, same attitudes etc. Its very difficult to match the two up- wrinkles and sagging on the outside, immaturity on the inside. Fading on the outside but growing (hopefully!)on the inside? Do the two processes converge? If so, where? What happens then? Do I explode? Implode? Or just have a good time while I can, cos at my rate there won't be many, if any, biological years left.

I just dont feel my biological age at all. I mean I think I must have matured emotionally to all of 16 years old. I say that cos I'm sure a while ago I was only about 12, but to save what was left of my sanity I went to counselling in the end cos of all the mega problems, and I think I have matured a bit after that. I am sure my son is more emotionally mature than me (although he hasn't been tested in the Big Wide World yet- life being so much softer for todays kids -that was the topic of yesterdays blog that I can't find). He just seems so much more together and laid back, thoughtful, reasoned and logical, whereas I am still not learning fast enough from past mistakes, not being mature etc etc. How can I be an adequate parent when I feel my son is more mature than me? Is this something other parents feel?

Now there is a comments facility I would love to find out what other people think - especially if there is anyone out there of a Certain Age reading these blogs of mine.

Well I can't think of anything more to say now so I might see you again soon if I have the time, otherwise it will be after my boy goes back to Uni for his summer exams.

Dear Blog,

Well today I cannot find my first blog anywhere so it makes it difficult to maintain continuity. This is what happens to leaner bloggers- sigh.

I recollect I was previously burlbling about Fading after a Certain Age - fading as in people no longer 'seeing' you as a human being- you becoming invisible with age once passed that awful midway mark. And it seems to me that when people get to 70 they are almost invisible and by 80 they don't exist to the mainstream world at all. Mind you, having said that I have read that 50 is the new 40, so perhaps I shouldnt get too screwed up yet. Although for men apparently 40 is the new 50, which was the new 40. I can go with that- although in my previous blog I did venture that getting older was easier for men as they could play at being the Older Man- whereas being the Older Woman is still a difficult call. This is because men can get away with wrinkles and some sagging ( not too much mind) whereas women can't. Men can grow beards to cover up double chins, whilst women cant. Well perhaps thats not quite true either nowadays 'cos apparently some women have testosterone supplements to help them keep sharp and aggressive, and if they get the wrong ones their voices can deepen and they can grow moustaches etc!!

Apparently they take them because women lose most of their natural testosterone by the time they are in their 30s and it affects their abilities to work hard and play hard in a mans world. (Perhaps I should try some - of the right stuff of course? I definately am not as sharp as I used to be. And my brain has gone- where to I am not quite sure but its a real nuisance when you start a sentence and have forgotten the ending before you get there.......).

Anyway to get back on track- perhaps because of all this disparity in ageing and peoples' perceptions women work harder at maintaining themselves, whilst men dont give a bugger and fade quicker. Which is why the Midlife Crisis age could still be 40 for men. I dont know.......what do you think?

I do know though that men generally start snoring after 40. My dear other half started snoring at around 40. He's a bit older than little moi. So, now I dont get many restful nights sleep ( perhaps that's why my brain has gone- sleep deprivation is a form of torture is it not?). When he's home he snores and so does one of our two dogs. They also sleep in the bedroom ( but not on the bed ) with us cos when my husband is away I dont sleep well on my own in our big empty old house, so I let them upstairs for company. I can mostly cope with one loudly snoring dog over the other side of the bedroom. As they get very upset and bark all night if shut downstairs when Husband returns we let them upstairs when he's back. So, I am sure you can picture the scenario - I end up with loud snoring, in stereo - one source being right next to my face. Bad news. No sleep. I am sure they are in competition with one another- see who can snore the loudest. The snoring dog by the way is only a little one- so I guess on the basis of bodyweight she wins paws down.

I am not the only sufferer of snoring men- most of my friends- also of this Certain age- have Snoring Husbands. Many have tried to get their men to effect cures- with vaying success- from the elbow in the side, to more expensive laser treatment to the soft palate to the extremes of air masks to Be Worn In Bed ( very sexy...........!!!) .... Otherwise its the spare bedroom, or earplugs of course!!

Life, as you can see, does not get attractive as you get older. By the way one of the main causes of Mid Life Snoring is weight gain - especially around the chops- so the advice to you guys to help you maintain your allure as you get older and start to gently Fade is to keep the weight down, down, down..........so if any of you in your 30's happen to be reading this be warned - keep your weight down to ensure no snoring and that you have a bright and breezy partner who gets a good nights sleep; otherwise you'll end up with a crabby sleep deprived wreck- like me! Or an empty bed in the morning..........very sad.

There are many other things that go awry after a Certain Age. But I shall continue these at another time as I must get on now. So bye Blog for today.

Gosh- Am I in? This is all new to me......a weblog virgin. I hope its going to be fun and not become an obligation. Why should this be an obligation - I'm a free agent, aren't I ?

Well I thought I would start this, partly out of wanting something to do and partly because- if I can work out what to do- I wanted to get some feedback and thoughts from folk out there about Things.

You see I have reached A Certain Age- for a woman thats really hard. I know it probably sounds trite, especially with all the problems of the world that abound at the moment. But I can't do much of anything to change these things - especially the current Middle Eastern mess- and even worse, I think, at the end of the day, the impending environmental disaster heading all our ways. Mind you I try to do a little bit to help in the Averting an Environmental Disaster through my work, but its a mere drop in the ocean really- which makes you realise how little you can do as an individual to change big things.

So to save recurrent nightmares involving being drowned by the rising seas I retreat to my immediate situation which is, amongst other things, becoming a woman of a Certain Age. Shiver....The feeling of life passing you by............

I am home alone most of the week- my husband works away Monday to Friday. Our only child is now at University. So its often just me and the dogs. Now dont get me wrong- I dont just sit home alone and whimper- I do work and then there's all the Boring Housework- which is something you men mostly dont consider as a major feature in your lives- I read a lot, I go out with friends, I go to the gym, play tennis and so forth, but theres still this awful sinking feeling that half your life has passed and you are on the Other Side of the Great Divide - the side where sports injuries catch up with you, weight goes on no matter what you do, soon Horrible Illnesses might just strike, wrinkles appear as if from nowhere and really you look absolutely stupid in today's girlie fashions.

And you are Becoming Invisible. What I mean by this is that you start to fade- like Frodo did in Lord of the Rings after being stabbed by the Nazgul blade. Its the same when you are a young mother. People don't see you - you don't count. I watch people a lot and I see young mothers with babies ignored unless they happen to get in the way or stick the baby buggy out in the traffic before they cross a road (Have you noticed that? Why do they stick prams into the road first before they look round to see if its clear to cross?). Anyway- its the same as you get older- you start to fade in other peoples' perception and vision- and of course the older you get the worse it becomes. And it starts once you become a Certain Age. And its all to do with Sex. Its not so bad for you guys- you can get away with being the attractive Older Man for a while, but for women its still not the same. Anyone seen the recent film with Jack Nicholsen and Diane Keaton? He looks a bit sad but attractively naughty with his young girls- she just looked like Keanu Reeves mum....Need I say more. So how much am I actually fading into oblivion? Its a sobering thought........hhmmmm....can't be sober.....

Do other people feel the same way-or haven't they noticed? And what to do? Well, this is where some feedback would be great- but I have yet to work out how to create a link- and a link to what? Who knows? Maybe i'll have found out by the next entry!!